Listening to Love

I used to think that “letting go” meant giving up – that if I let go, it meant I was moving on. I am realizing that in my journey this is not the case. Letting go, I believe, means releasing the human tug-of-war and allowing things to happen as they will. The reality is that the outcome is already planned out. I firmly believe that. My struggling with it is not going to change the outcome. But “letting go” and allowing the universe the freedom to work it out will lead to the better. I have allowed myself to spend the last 2+ weeks engaging myself in the human tug-of-war – trying to predict the outcome, worrying about the future, pulling and tugging with all my might. I am laying down my side of the rope. For me, I feel a deep resonance inside me of knowing what that outcome will be, but ultimately it isn’t up to me…it is one of my lessons in this…to allow it instead of forcing it to happen. I know the outcome that I feel is right in my heart and soul, but I need to sit back and trust that the universe is working that out for me. I have been getting messages for the last several days about “visualization” and “higher consciousness” and I believe those are legitimate. Some days (some moments) I find myself questioning my own sanity…wouldn’t it be easier to walk away from this? To get a fresh start somewhere else or with someone else? To give up? But I am learning (and sometimes re-learning) that giving up is not the same as letting go. I refuse to give up – until I receive a sign that I should. And I believe I am in a place emotionally and spiritually where that guidance won’t go unnoticed if/when it comes. So, I have been asking myself why it is so stinkin’ hard. Why are their days where I don’t want to get out of bed? Mornings where I talk to the empty pillow beside me? Nights where I cry myself to sleep? What are the soul lessons I’m supposed to be learning and, frankly, why the hell can’t I learn them and be done with it. But the answer came to me yesterday and I have received a similar message repeatedly since then… “You are listening to love rather than fear.” That resonates with me. I do feel like I am listening to love right now, as scary and terrifying and unknown as it is. I am following my heart. If fear were piloting this ship, I’d have left a long time ago. Fear would have kept my investment and commitment low, my intimacy and connection minimal and my bags packed. When I truly allowed myself to experience and feel love, fear took a backseat. Right now, I am listening to love. So, today I am working on present moment living, on detaching in love, on laying down my side of the rope and allowing the universe to put me where it wills, to listen to love rather than fear. And in this moment, that feels pretty good.